About Relationships

“It’s a Hallmark holiday” claim the skeptics. You need a card, a present, a meal in a restaurant. You’re obliged to spend, spend, spend.

But Valentine’s Day precedes consumerism, corporations, greeting cards, civilisation and even Christianity. It is an expression of what it is to be human. While every day pressures squeeze the romance out of life, Valentine’s day is an island of corny indulgence in a giant sea of cynicism.

One early attempt at valentine romance, saw me commit several days to preparation. Roses, a three course meal, as exotic as a slightly green eighteen year old could muster and on top of that a singing waiter (an extroverted mate dressed up) to serve the food.

In retrospect the menu was bizarre. Raw cauliflower and carrots with a mayonnaise and curry powder dip. For the main course a slightly watery stir fried rice dish (I didn’t have a strainer to strain the rice). This was laced with an over generous helping of chilli peppers, all teenage boys first learn to cook with chilli peppers. For dessert strawberries and bananas with a chocolate dip. Ah the deep hormonal motivations of eighteen year old boys. Everything was in place and my mate, the singing waiter completed my love trap.

Maybe the fascination and intrigues of being in love and particularly the physical side of it are not the preserve of eighteen year old boys. Valentines day has its origins in ancient Rome and it has survived centuries of religious interference and censorship to return to resemble what it originally was – a celebration of love and pairings.

The Lupercalia was a Roman festival celebrated on the 15th Day of February. In the Roman calendar February was later in the year and so the Lupercalia was a spring festival.

This festival was even old to the Romans, they were unsure of which deity it honoured. It emerged from the days when Rome was a small shepherding community on a hill called the Palantine and could have honoured Lupercus, who protected flocks against wolves, Rumina whose temple overlooked the place where the she-wolf suckled Romulus and Remus or Faunus the god of shepherds and agriculture.

Before the times of the great city of Rome the Lupercalia was a very joyous occasion. The foreheads of two youths were smeared with the blood of a sacrificed dog and goat. They then made their way around the perimeter of the city of Rome followed by priests lightly tapping women on the way with strips of the goats skin. This act was to protect them against infertility.

As Rome became the dominant civilisation of the era, the Lupercalia continued as an important part of the calendar. The seeds of the modern St. Valentine’s Day were sewn by Roman soldiers who took the Lupercalia customs with them to countries they conquered and occupied. One such custom was the pairing of men with women whose names they selected from a bowl. The pairing continued for the length of the festival and sometimes beyond.

As Christianity gradually advanced through Europe the church replaced pagan festivals with festivals more suited to the new faith. They kept the days of the festivals the same to ease the introduction of the new religion but they changed the name and the reason for the festival. The Lupercalia’s pairing of men and women went against the teachings of Christianity. In 496 AD Pope Gelasius ended the festival of Lupercalia and replaced it with St. Valentine’s Day. St. Valentine was declared the patron saint of lovers. The pairing of couples was replaced and people were, instead, paired with a saint. The name of a saint would be drawn from a bowl and the person who chose it would then learn about, and try to emulate that saint for the following year.

Pairing with a saint and the churches concept of St. Valentine’s Day lasted hundreds of years, but the spirit of the Lupercalia lived on in hearts, minds and spirits of the people. By the 15th Century eligible singles began pairing again. Medieval knights drew the names of their valentines from bowls and wore the names on their sleeves swearing to honour and protect them. They would sing love songs and profess their love with poetry. Eventually it became customary to write the verses down for your lover to read and by the 1600′s Valentine cards had become quite elaborate. Possibly due to the fact that most people were unable to read or write intricate handmade paper valentines became a normal mode of exchange between lovers on Valentines Day and the first of what could be recognised as a valentines card appeared.

Their popularity was sufficient that by the early 1800′s commercially produced Valentines were available. Initially they were hand painted by factory workers but by 1900 valentines were made entirely by machines using woodcuts and then eventually lithographs.

Today’s Valentine cards are frequently anonymous. They emphasise either a sense of humour, reputed to be the greatest aphrodisiac, or a sense of romance – and occasionally both. Modern valentine cards can be rude, suggestive, funny and cheeky as often as romantic. There anonimity adds to the intrigue, hopes and fantasies. Love and romance are a deep part of the human condition, despite the church’s early attempts to change its meaning the spirit of the Lupercalia lives on today. It has survived thousands of years and it is likely to be around for many more.

As for the success of my early romantic dabblings. Well the waiter was flat; the food was uncomfortable on the palette, and my date? Well, she was polite, ate as much as she could stomach and made her excuses and left, probably for home and a pint of Gaviscon.

Administrator of Shopping Mega Mall Minleys Market Place

Looking for something sexy to do, something erotic and different? How about a sexy photo shoot with your lover? What a terrific way to help you get closer together and have a romantic, sensual time while doing so. Have an anniversary or just want to plan something fun and sexy to do this weekend? Keep in mind it does not have to be distastefully done, an erotic and sexy photo can be done tastefully and tactfully. Think of this as a piece of art for you with your lover. Explore new boundaries and find that spark in your relationship that you thought you may have lost or just got a bit of dullness to it. Let me help provide you with a few great ideas for getting your sexy photo shoot done in a tasteful way that you will both find extraordinary. Something to last you both a lifetime, a real exciting experience.

When going into a sexy, erotic photo shoot, there are a few things to keep in mind. There are scenarios you can choose to have yourselves photographed in. Here are just two for an example, but please remember there are many more scenarios, let your imagination go wild. First you both need to talk about what type of look you want in your portrait, what kind of vision do you wish to capture. After you have choose your photographer, sit down with him together with your partner and get comfortable discussing what you want, get to know them a little before the shoot. After all you may choose to have some nudity in your shots, if you are feeling a little bit sporty and daring.

Next you need to go over the layout you wish to use. What is the concept you want to bring forth in the photo. Discuss with the photographer everything you think they need to know so you are all together on the outcome of the shoot. Keep in mind you are paying them to do the job, so they need to keep with the role of your play theme and comfort zone. Making sure they are professional, but listen to what you want and lend their opinions as well. Now that we have that said, let us get some ideas in mind that are surely going to help heat up the photo shoot. Providing you with great erotic, sexy photos for you to enjoy.

You will need to ask a few questions before you start. First: What exactly are we having this done for? This helps to take you in the right direction. Secondly: Is a real sexy photo what you want to achieve? If the answer is yes, how sexy do you want it? Three: Are both of you comfortable showing nudity? and Four: Would you like private romantic pictures or photos you can share with friends and family that show more of a romantic and conservative side to them? Remember to make sure you consider all these before heading to the photo shoot. Having a good idea of what you want before going to the studio helps to keep things running smooth and stress free.

If you choose to have nudity, and you are both comfortable with this, consider having them done using black and white. The black and white photos really show through your sexiness, mood and accents the portrait very well in a sexy sort of way.

Many photographers today work with the digital camera so it is not a problem for them to switch back and forth from black and white and color mode to change the atmosphere of the photos. They can use subtle changes in the lighting as well to capture the best of you together with different angles. Hiring the right photographer to do your semi- or nude photos can really be a sexy concept that will be painless, quick and simple to do. Giving you something to cherish over the years together.

William Hart is a writer who specializes in helping find fun romantic gift ideas like Honey Dust or Body Souffle

It’s usually pretty much a given that a guy is going to end up making himself look like a fool in the pursuit of winning a woman’s love. However, it does not have to play out that way, and you CAN end up getting her to fall in love with you, as long as you know what to do and of course, what NOT to do. So many men seem to end up making the SAME classic mistakes, and they don’t even realize that they are doing it!

For most guys, they are trying what they have been taught to do and it’s really not their fault. Society has a way of making men feel like they HAVE to do certain things to win a woman’s love, and they are not always the best approach that you can take.

Here’s how you can make a woman fall in love and NOT end up looking like a Fool:

1. Don’t bring romance into it right away.

Sure, you see it on television and in the movies. Some guy does all of these amazingly romantic things from the moment he meets a woman and it always works to make her fall in love. Well, in the real world, it does not always play out like this. You can actually make a woman feel a little uncomfortable by bring in the romance way too soon. The first few dates are more about getting to know each other and flirting, not making her fall madly in love with you.

2. Don’t be the wishy washy type.

So, you get up the nerve to ask her out on a date and she asks you where you are going to take her. And you say something like, it’s up to you. Well, in that moment, you just lost some points that you might have a hard time getting back with her. You have to be a little more confident and take charge and make the decisions. When you just act like the kind of guy that will let her make ALL of the decisions, you lose some of that natural attraction that a woman feels for a man.

3. Do make her feel comfortable around you.

While you should never suck up to a woman to make her fall in love, you SHOULD make her feel comfortable when she is around you. Some of the things that you need to AVOID that make a woman feel uncomfortable are: nervous body language, talking too fast, and improper eye contact. You need to be able to communicate with her that you are the kind of man that she can feel comfortable and have a GOOD time with.

Making a woman fall in love can seem like a terribly hard thing to do, but when you have a time tested and proven strategy, you can make almost ANY woman you want to fall in love with you. Don’t think that you can? Well, you might be surprised when you follow these three tips and discover how to trigger a woman’s attraction for you!

Want to know what ELSE works to make her fall in love?Go to: Men’s Dating Advice and Get Your FREE Report TODAY!Copyright © 2010 Chris Tyler All Rights Reserved.

I’d defy anyone to turn down the opportunity to learn more about the other sex, and be able to use relationship advice with ease, as well as provide it to their close friends and relatives to good effect.

This would be possible with a hypothetical ‘relationship degree’ at a university – but what would this imaginary degree look like? If professors were to teach people how to manage relationships, how to make up with their ex’s, how to attract a partner into their life – what lessons would they teach in their restricted number of lectures?

This is an interesting question, and one I’d like to explore in the following article. Obviously, relationship advice is a very subjective topic and as such, the results here are only my own opinion. I’m sure everyone else’s relationship leadership degree would look slightly different!

So, lets start with the class size – which would be the most appropriate for such a personal and intimate topic? I believe the natural answer is a class size of just 1. That’s right; one on one coaching would obviously be the natural course of action, as it would provide privacy and would facilitate openness for the participants. Some people are happy to talk about relationships in the open, whereas others are far more reclusive.

The problem is that this would never be economically viable – so lets draw our first lesson from this =

“While we sometimes wish that everything in our relationships was just between us and our partner, in reality it will never be that way.”

This is a fact that we simply must embrace.

“That’s an easy thing to do if you’re confident, but I’m not!” I may hear you retort. That’s a valid argument, however this is ultimately why those reclusive types tend to sometimes find it harder to get into a relationship. I never said that love treats everyone equally!

Now, onto the lesson content. What would the first slide be?

Well, any introduction should be an honest reflection that will set students up for the rest of this ‘love leadership degree’. It should invoke the mood that you would want to set in the audience. I think a fitting opening line (And our second lesson in this article) would be this:

“Only love will make you happy, but it will probably hurt you first”.

This should hopefully really instill in the audience and your mind, that relationships are not a magical solution that will instantly improve any life it touches. Love is a force that will only positively effect your life you have the confidence, the passion and a little luck which will enable you to break through that pain barrier – that wall of no confidence that would stop you from achieving what you want from the relationship.

As for the syllabus of the course: I believe everyone requires a different lesson plan. This is our third lesson for today:

“Everyone has issues, and everyone has problems with relationships”.

The consequences of this statement are vast. This means that even though you may think that your love interest is ‘perfect’, and that they could do no wrong – they will have insecurities and issues too. They may even be more nervous than you are, or have less experience than you do.

In the end of the day, the exam would reward only one attitude – those who appreciated that they didn’t quite know the right answer, but had a shot anyway. This is the only attitude you will need to stand a chance in relationships.

Simon Oates writes about relationships and this hypothetical love leadership degree or online leadership degree on his relationship blog.

Today, one can date a person living thousands of miles away across the pacific without the distance placing any boundaries on their dating scene. And what if you get to date one of the most beautiful women on earth, a Russian woman online? Wondering where and how you can? The answer is simple – choose the right online dating service. Such Russian dating sites are multinational. They offer online dating services for men from around the globe to date Russian single women. And they have made it so easy.

Online Dating has become so popular with the Russian women as well as men from all over the world. How can one resist dating a Russian woman? And when you have a site just for that, it cannot get better than that, can it? All you have to do is post in your photographs and your biographical information on the site, the privacy and security of which is completely taken care of. It is only a Russian woman who have been registered at the site can have access to your personal information. Send emails and letters to Russian women you are interested, and get started with your romantic online dating. Yes, and extremely romantic at that, because Russian women are the most romantic people that you will have come across.

There are many trustful online dating sites known for their professional and quality services. The number of members registering on a site is a proof for the trust it has garnered in itself. Russian online dating scene has grown and improved manifold. So, if you are clueless and wondering where your love life as a single is headed, log on to this website, and give it a head start; resort to online dating with the beautiful Russian women and see it head somewhere. For all you know, your soul mate could be one of them waiting for you.

At qualitative dating sites clients are given the best service making it as convenient for you as possible. And when online dating gets as easy as this, why look anywhere else? A good indication of quality is when a dating site displays the results of the work. It is great when Russian online dating services have made many hearts meet and fall in love. So, why can not you either? Register onto this site today, and resume online dating with the Russian women. It is easy, it is fun and it is romantic. You can avail of their services anytime, 24/7. This is a very secure and a protected way to meet your Russian woman, and your privacy and interests are well understood and protected. So, do not hesitate and simply join a Russian dating site, and date Russian women online. No matter where you are, or which part of the world you reside in, Russian women are never too far.

Russian online dating made easy, fun and meaningful only at reliable dating sites. Join today, and see your love life going great guns.

Online dating has become very popular nowadays. Dating Russian women is widespread in the web now. The only thing left is to choose the right online dating service.

Whether you are married or simply dating, a romantic weekend away can be a wonderful idea if you are looking to do something a bit different. All it takes is a little careful forward planning to make sure that the experience is as enjoyable as possible for you and your partner.

The most important part of organising your weekend away is to plan ahead. You will need to decide on where you would like to go and what you would like to do when you get there. If you are planning on travelling a significant distance then remember to anticipate how long it will take to get there so that you can make the most of your time once you arrive. Have you decided whether you’ll be spending some quiet quality time together or will you be doing something that more people are likely to enjoy? These are all things for you to consider when it comes to planning ahead.

The next thing that you need to think about is the cost. Do you have the budget to spoil yourself with a luxury weekend getaway or are you looking to do something special on a more modest budget? It’s far from necessary to spend an excessive amount on a weekend away however you may need to factor in the cost of travel if you are likely to be driving a long way or buying a plane ticket. Also take into consideration the cost of your accomodations as well as how much spending money you will allow yourself. It doesn’t matter whether you are looking to plan a simple weekend away or a more lavish affair, it is always important to keep track of your expenses.

Just like moving house, the most important part of your getaway will be location, location, location. You may wish to get as far away as another country or it could be somewhere as near as a pleasant area in your home town. Again, this should be entirely dependent on your budget, time constraints and of course what you and your partner find enjoyable.

On that note, what do you think your partner would like to do on this romantic getaway? This is especially important as if you are planning on having a romantic weekend away then you need to consider something that both you and your partner will enjoy. For example you wont want to consider a ski getaway if your partner cant stand the cold! Sit down with your partner and draw up a list of what you both enjoy and you are sure to find something that you will both get something out of.

Don’t forget to take accessories. After all, a weekend getaway wont be romantic unless you have something that displays your romantic side. It’s always a safe bet to take a bottle of wine and roses. Perhaps if you are looking to spice things up a little then you or your partner may wish to bring some sexy lingerie or sensuous oils. The only limit is your imagination and creativity but as always, make sure that it is something that both you and your partner can enjoy.

Dave Matthews is writing on behalf of Kettering Park Hotel, one of Northamptonshire’s leading luxury country hotels.

A friend of mine once broke up with his girlfriend by text message. It was a low down, worthless thing to do, and instead of giving him the hi-fives he had expected, I just gave him a tongue lashing and told him to grow up. Seriously, what is it about confrontations that turns guys into five year olds? I’ve seen a number of good guys suddenly tuck their tails between their legs and act like children when it came to ending a relationship. Something about doing it the right way just makes them feel panicked. So, if you want to be a gentleman, no, if you want to simply be a man about a break up, do the following, and leave text messaging to immature idiots.

First off, do it face to face. Do not, do not do it over the phone, IM, text, through a friend, via a handwritten letter or song played on the radio. This is the most important, cardinal rule if ever there was one. If you can’t tell her to her face that you want to end it, than that shows her that you are ashamed of your decision, embarrassed and immature. It makes you look weak willed and a coward, since you can’t tough it up and give her such important news to her face.

Second, tell her straight without coming up with a million excuses. If you start trying to justify yourself by playing lawyer and telling her a thousand different reasons why it’s over, you’ll just be getting into an argument, since no doubt her version of each complaint will be vastly different than your take. Of course, if you’re breaking up with her for one huge reason, like she slept with your best friend, then tell it. But if you’ve got thirty little excuses, skip them all.

Which means telling her simply that the relationship isn’t working for you any more, that the love is gone, the romance is dead, and that while you still respect her and love her, you’re no longer in love, and want to end it. She’ll ask you why. Realize this: if she doesn’t want to break up with you as well, no reason you give will satisfy. There is no correct answer to the ‘why’ question, because ultimately it boils down to this: she’s not good enough for you anymore. She doesn’t satisfy your needs, and you want to look for somebody new. And any attempt on your part to beat around the bush and make her feel better about that is only going to make things messier and harder.

Finally, don’t break up with her in your own home. Break up with her either somewhere public or at her place. This is the most strategic decision, because if things get ugly and she refuses to accept your position, you can always just leave. If she’s in your house, and she doesn’t take it well? You’ve got nowhere to go. Not that you should drop the bomb and run away, but rather, if you sense that the conversation has started to go round in circles and become unproductive, than sometimes you need to just cut it short and leave.

So there you go. If you’re going to break up with somebody, show some basic respect and do it to their face. Don’t make excuses or lie. Just tell her straight up that it’s over, and if it doesn’t go well after your sincere attempts to make her understand, leave. Remember, there’s nothing you can do to ameliorate the pain of telling somebody who wants you that you no longer want them. So don’t make it worse by pretending it’s anything but a break up.

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With Valentine’s Day around the corner you want to show your loved ones how much they mean to you, but with the recession fresh in your memory you don’t want to break the bank. So here are a few ideas to get you in the mood for romance which won’t break the budget.

I’ve separated the ideas into four areas – atmosphere, food, clothing and toys which will hopefully follow the evening through.

Atmosphere

This can be the easiest to achieve on a very tight budget and even without spending a penny. Why run out and spend on a new romantic songs CD? The first place you should look is in your current collection. The majority of you will have something in your collection suitable for a romantic dinner and if you use an MP3 player you can set up a special listing of romantic songs. In fact I bet your partner will appreciate you taking time to select songs far more than if you simply go and buy a new album or tracks.

Lighting can be a problem. In those Hollywood romance films subdued lighting with dozens of candles looks gorgeous. What you don’t see are the extra lights and shading used to create that effect, along with the fire extinguishers in case someone knocks over a candle. A simple single candle in the centre of the table really proves the saying that less is more. It conveys the feeling of romance and intimacy but doesn’t break the bank and more importantly isn’t as much of a fire hazard as dozens of naked flames.

Food

Well prepared food is a must, but as with anything else it doesn’t have to be expensive or look like the movies. The most important aspect of the food is getting it right. By that I mean you serve something your partner will enjoy, but at the same time make it memorable. If you are a fantastic cook and can rustle up a gourmet type meal from leftovers then by all means prepare a fantastic four course meal. However if you struggle in the kitchen then prepare a meal you are confident you can do. That may simply mean one course, but again as with the candles less is more and your partner will appreciate the effort far more than you burning down the kitchen.

Clothing or Attire

This is where it can get very interesting. As soon as you mention clothing in relation to Valentine’s Day people will automatically think of sexy lingerie or for gents a new suit, which can be expensive. So the first place to look should be your wardrobe, how many of your old clothes don’t you wear anymore? Ladies I bet you have some gorgeous underwear which you brought for a special occasion in the past but have never worn again. Well tonight is the night to get it out again. Gents, remember that suit you purchased especially for that wedding or the shirt you brought last year for a special occasion, well tonight is that special occasion.

If you are eating at home and fancy a more light-hearted meal, why bother with clothes at all? Ladies imagine your man serving you your dinner in nothing but an apron. Or gents, how about coming back into the dining room to discover your lover sitting there, waiting to be served wearing nothing at all. What could be more erotic and cheaper?

Toys

This is where you might be expecting me to advise you to rush out and buy a whole load of toys with the money you saved earlier. Well you are going to be mistaken. Yes, there are literally hundreds of adult toys on the market and if you want some recommendations drop me a line via our website, but this about saving money in these difficult times.

Experimentation in the bedroom is fun and Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to try something different. How about a gentle game of tie and tease? There’s no need for expensive gear yet, use some scarves. They give the feeling of restraint, but with the softness of a scarf it doesn’t feel intimidating.

Open up your freezer and right there in front of you, you have an amazingly erotic substance – ice. Don’t put fresh ice onto bare skin, instead put some in a glass of water and after a few seconds take cube out, spread it over your lover and watch as the coolness of the ice hits their senses.

Depending on experience you may have a whole collection of toys to play with so get them all out and play with the ones you haven’t touched in years. For others trying a new position (or two) may be just as much fun and that is the key point to make here. You should be having fun.

Stephen Hackett is the director of Venus Sales Ltd, a UK based retailer operating a number of online retail sites including Temptations Direct and Purple Pleasures.

At high school we would often attend the local dances and discos in order to meet girls. But as per usual, come the end of the night I would be no closer to meeting a girl than I was at the start of the night.

Even though school and the associated social events seem like the ideal pick up scenario, socially, school crowds develop a pecking order very quickly and various groups have their own ‘clicks’ and this is how the different levels of social acceptance are formed. So depending on which group of friends you are with often determined your luck with the ladies.

In order to break away from the reputation or set of social standings handed down to me by my school peers, I soon realized that the real world was an enormous place compared to the tiny drop in the ocean I had experienced at school, and in order to make a name for myself and meet girls I needed to figure out the best places to hang out in order to meet new love interests.

Night clubs and bars are great to go out and unwind after a long week, but how many people do you know have met their soul mate on a crowded dance floor which is a less then ideal situation to really get to know someone – to see whether you click when there is no alcohol involved. So if it’s a bit of a fling you are seeking then you may have some luck in a night club but it’s not the ideal scenario for those looking for love.

Shopping centers are another great location girls go to so they can relax and unwind with other girlfriends. I don’t think I have met a woman yet that hates shopping. We have learnt that timing is very important with this approach. Busier days such as weekends bring in groups of girls, however during the week days girls often shop alone and will tend to personalize their shopping and are more likely to buy lingerie and summer dresses for example. What better way to strike up a conversation that to offer to critique a pretty girls new wears.

Perfume stores are probably the easiest stores in the shopping centre to find. You will be able to smell the fragrance long before you locate the actual store. And if you can smell it, trust me, so can the women. The ladies adore all those little pre-packaged assortments like gels and lotions.

After a full on day of fighting the crowds and lining up in cues, try your luck in one of the shopping centre coffee shops, everyone loves to stop for a ‘time out’ over a good coffee.

Women love to be mentally challenged and a book store is a great way to make interesting conversation. It’s an easy way to break the ice by offering your own take on subjects she is interested in.

Although not everyone can walk up to a pretty girl and start making small talk. It can be a little intimidating for some. So to build on your confidence give online dating ago! There is an estimated 100 million singles registered on dating sites worldwide so go and see why so many people are opting for online dating services over conventional dating.

Regardless of the scenario of where you decide to find your honey, women love to be complimented and she will show her appreciation in anything kind and thoughtful you have to say. Everything in life is a law of averages, so sooner or later your number will come up!

Looking for new ways to meet single girls? Visit our singles dating websites in America as well as local online dating sites Australia . Register on our online dating chat rooms , then type in your zipcode to find your match.

You’ve messed up. You’ve been caught fooling around with somebody else, and all of sudden everything has collapsed into a nightmare. She’s heartbroken, upset, crying. You’re feeling like an idiot, finally realizing just how much you stand to lose. What can you do? How can you express your regret and love for her, save this relationship and prevent it all going to hell? Here are three ways you can regain her trust-remember, it will be hard, but it’s not important.

1)Stop making excuses. Be a man and own up to it. In the end, being responsible for your mistakes will show her that you are being mature and an adult. Nothing is a greater turn off than endless excuses and whining how it’s not your fault. Step up to the plate and own your mistakes, and say that you messed up, you know it’s your fault, and you’re not going to try to run away from your mistake. The benefits to this are huge. One, it’s the most honest and mature thing to do, which is its own reward. Two, it’s going to send her a clear message that you’re not going to try and continue tricking her and changing things around. And third, it puts you on more even footing with which to proceed to the next step.

2)Listen to her. When somebody is hurt, there is a grieving process. This involves telling the person that hurt them how much they feel betrayed. Don’t try to cut them off, leap in and correct things, start promising already how much better things will soon become. Rather, bite the bullet and take the verbal lashing that is coming your way. Think of the pain inside her as poison, and her telling you how much you hurt her as drawing that poison out. Then sooner she can get it out of her system, the sooner she can begin to heal. So resist the urge to make things better by trying to persuade her, to apologize over her protests. Just shut up, and reap what you’ve sown.

3)Affirm your commitment to her, and ask her what she needs in order for you to remain together. After taking responsibility, and letting her pour out her pain and betrayal, step up and tell her you still love her, and that you want to make this work. Tell her you are willing to whatever she needs to heal your relationship. What this may be is up to her. She might want time apart, to go home and visit her family, to not talk to you for a few weeks. She might want access to your cell phone and email accounts. You don’t know-but once again, the best thing you can do is just listen, accept, and work within whatever parameters she sets forth to regain her trust.

The key lesson to take from all this is that you have to show her that you love her, that you are a mature man, and that you will fight to keep her. While there are mind games and power plays you can use to cheat and psychologically manipulate her into taking you back, all of those poison the well and ensure an unhealthy relationship. What you need to do is show her you are responsible, disappointed in yourself, and determined to heal this relationship, no matter what.

The rest? That’s up to her.

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