About Relationships

Given the undeniably high probably of a new marriage ending in divorce, it is hard today to engage in the marriage process without me thinking about divorce. First of all, I have already been affected by the social influence of divorce with it being all around me and because of this I could never embark in marriage process with out some reasonable plans of escaping the affects of divorce. Second, I feel the thought of orienteering family life without a compass to guide me through some sort of a marriage mental map absolutely alarming. Third, I have prepared myself for the looming possibility of divorce by significantly altering my perception of both marriage and my ideal mate. Knowing this world can be so uncertain and unstable, I have to find some certain emotional stability when planning for the future.

First of all, I have already been affected by the social influence of divorce with it being all around me and because of this I could never embark in marriage process without some reasonable plans of escaping the affects of divorce.

Some estimates say that over half of all children in the U.S. today live apart from one of their biological parents before they leave home. I have felt the effects of this very statistic as my mother and father divorced and remarried each other once.

The only reason they never divorced again is because when I was 17 my dad called me and told me he couldn’t go through another divorce and shot himself while I was on the phone with him. I was hospitalized for a few months with severe depression.

I can’t say this made me think about divorce until 5 years later when my girlfriend of three years left me and I botched an attempt at suicide. Since then there is not a single day I have not thought about how could I cope with divorce.

Second, I feel the thought of orienteering family life without a compass to guide me through some sort of a marriage mental map absolutely terrifying.

If a person does not have some sort of a vision of what they are trying to move toward, how does one go about achieving this goal? My own personal problem is the only family I have ever known, I have come to terms with as being dysfunctional, so how am I suppose to build a family based off my own perception?

I am a goal oriented person, so I must have some sort of a pattern to try to follow or attain. If I don’t have some direction how can I know when I’ve arrived at having a successful family? These questions and more are just demonstrating my fears orienteering marriage.

Third, I have prepared myself for the looming possibility of divorce by significantly altering my perception of both marriage and my ideal mate.

I did not date anyone for over 5 years because of my attempted suicide and spent much time rethinking what marriage should be. I decided I will no longer just follow my feelings when I get in involved with some girl because I want my life to amount to more than an emotional train wreck.

I’ve concluded I have to be able to be happy independently of anyone, because what if my wife did leave me or died? I’m also back to the drawing board about what marriage is for me and what type of person I should date.

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This is a very difficult question to answer because it depends on the perspective of the parties involved. In other words, moms may feel a certain way about certain laws, whereas dads may feel differently about same.

Let’s take a look at Alimony for instance. Most likely, women, in general, feel that this is fair based on the fact that maybe their salary is lower than that of their ex husbands, etc…whereas men, in general, would feel that it is unfair, as the Law privileges women for no reason, and it takes the money that the men earn by working hard to give it to their ex wives.

Further, if we take a look at Child Custody, we’ll see how complicated and complex this is. Every state has a list of factors according to which Child Custody is awarded. This list is technically called “Determining Factors”. Please, consult the Determining Factors in your state for the compete list of factors. Some of the factors may vary from state to state, however, the majority of these factors will be endemic to most states.

Let’s examine some of the Child Custody factors. One of the factors is “the love and affection” that a parent has for the children. While this is nice factor to use, it is very difficult to measure such emotions, as people display their emotions and/or love differently.

Moreover, there is the biggest Flaw in the Law: whoever spent more time with the kids prior to divorce becomes the “primary care giver” of the children, and, therefore, has a greater chance of being awarded sole custody of the minor children. While this may seem fair at first glance, a more profound look divulges the fact that this is not fair to the party who worked so hard to earn money for the household. This is true irrespective of whether the parent staying home is the dad or the mom. In other words, this is unfair irrespective of the gender of the parent.

In my case, personally, I did not wish to work full time while my ex stayed home with the children. In fact, I asked my ex spouse so many times to work at least part time so that I could spend more time with our kids. I also expressed the possibility that we could alternate working. Effectively, I could work for a year while she took care of the kids, and then, I could have stayed home with the kids, while she worked.

She just refused, and the result was that she took advantage of the situation. So, here we see that the Law has a Flaw! What are your choices as a parent/husband in this case? Do you acquiesce in order to avoid a divorce, or do you try to push your wife to work so that both of you would: (A) spend an equitable amount of time with your kids, and (B) be viewed as an equal “care giver” by the court, should there be a divorce.

The sad reality is that one of the parents, whether it is the mom or the dad, may try to use the Law to his or her advantage. If the Law were more equitable, such issues would not occur as often.

During my divorce, I went to the library and read up on Family Law. I encountered a site that published statistics regarding divorce in all 50 States! it was very interesting to see that the State of Minnesota, I believe, had the highest ratio of Shared or Joint Custody, and at the same time, it had one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. The explanation is very simple: when a parent sees that there is no advantage that she or he may get from the divorce, then she or he may try to make the marriage work instead of rushing into a divorce.

In other words, if a parent realizes that she or he is going to get Sole Custody of the Minor Children, Spousal Support or Alimony, and Child Support, then that parent takes the enticing deal and divorces easily without necessarily contemplating the impact of the divorce on the children or the family as a unit. However, if none of these incentives is offered, then that parent will cogitate over a major decision such as a divorce.

The lesson here is that the Law should not give all to one parent, and virtually nothing to the other parent!

Here is how Family Law operates, which, you will see, defies any logical thinking. It really makes you wonder who wrote these Family Laws?

In essence, here is what happens when there is a divorce that involves minor children. The Law gives the Children and Child Support to one parent, and leaves the other parent with nothing!

Family Law has its preference, as to which parent should get custody of the minor children. This may not necessarily be, and in fact isn’t most of the time, the wish of the parent who does not get custody of the children. Then, to add insult to injury, the law dictates that the parent who does not get custody of the children pay the other parent child support. Here is the fallacy in the reasoning: first, the law forces that parent not to have custody of his or her children, and second, it forces her or him to pay child support to the other parent for a decision with which she or he is not agreeing.

I would, however, concur with the Law if one of the parents willingly conceded custody to the other parent. However, most of the time, this is not the case. Some of the Laws ought to be revisited, and rewritten.

When the Law metes out justice, and hence, Child Support, it does not check how the money is spent and on whom! In other words, the parent, who is awarded Child Support, may use or misuse the money in any way that she or he pleases. Now, how fair is that?

The idea behind Child Support is to ensure that the children are well taken care of, and that there is a financial balance for the kids between Dad’s house and Mom’s house. However, the Law does not make the effort to look into how the money is spent. This is deplorable, for any party might just misuse the money and spend a big part of it on him or herself!

Again, these Laws ought to be revisited. It is very sad to think that some people take advantage of the system to get as much money as they can without having to work! How fair is it to the other party who has to work, pay Child Support, and yet pay for his or her kids’ needs while under their own care?

The author is currently the webmaster of Product Reviews , Job Source and Myjobwatch.net

The divorce rate in the United States is over 50%. This is largely due to people not noticing the warnings or the “Red Flags” in their significant other before and during the marriage. This article will depict many “Red Flags” that many people overlook or ignore. The purpose of this article is to make you aware of many warnings so that you can adjust and hopefully prevent your relationship from going bad.

Some of the marriage warnings are there from start, yet we either do not see them, or prefer not to see them. You really should be paying attention to these warnings! You think that you are going to make him/her change over time and that things are going to be perfect! The truth is that, most of the time, it is very difficult to change somebody, unless he/she is willing to change.

The truth is that most factors/defects get multiplied over time, over the course of a marriage. What might seem like a small thing to you in the beginning of your marriage might appear horrendous a few years later. So bear that in mind, and look for those flags from the beginning to make sure that you do not embark on the marriage journey, which is of the most challenging journeys in our lives, without having examined the warnings.

One of the flags is, for instance, if you see that your spouse behaves somewhat selfishly. In the beginning, when you are in love, you may not be paying so much attention to that thinking that this is a “small thing” and that it is not that important!

One example of selfishness is that if he or she finishes some of your favorite food before you come home from work or school! Your spouse should be thinking of you, and of the fact that you will come back home possibly tired and hungry. If she or he went ahead and finished the food, that is a sign of selfishness. This is the type of behavior that gets much worse over the years, and then you realize that the flags were there, but you just did not see them!

Another example of selfishness is if your spouse has a different schedule from yours, and does not pay attention to your schedule. What I mean by that is if your spouse does not have to get up early in the morning, whereas you do, but he or she does not care about the fact that you have to go to bed relatively early in order to wake up early, and she or he decides to go to bed late and turns up the TV while you are trying to get some sleep!

This is total lack of empathy, and shows serious signs of selfishness. Your spouse and you should be coordinating your schedules so that they fit both of your needs. Now, this does not mean that your spouse cannot watch TV while you are in bed. He or she may watch as long as the TV is not too loud. In fact, this shows that your spouse cares about you and about your health/schedule!

The gist of selfishness is when you feel that your wife/husband is taking a lot and not giving much in return. For example, if he or she is not helping as much as you do around the house, or in driving, etc…

Keep an eye on all those things that might seem trivial now. These are the warnings, or the flags, that you should be paying attention to from the beginning. If you see any of these, make sure to be very careful as this is a “red flag”.

The most important lesson here is to try to find out whether your husband/wife is as devoted as you are. This is really critical to know before making the decision of having kids. Once you have kids, your life will change forever, so make sure that you are starting on the right foot.

Another “red flag” is if you see or sense, from the start, that your boyfriend/girlfriend is interested in the money you are making, or potentially the money you are going to make. This indicates that your mate is greedy. This will eventually lead to serious problems later on in a relationship.

One of the most important warnings ever, when you are in a relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend, is your partner’s immediate family!

Well, you might think at first:” what’s this got to do with my girlfriend/boyfriend?”

It has a LOT to do with it! In fact, this is one of the most important factors in determining whether your relationship, whether as boyfriend/girlfriend, or as a married couple, will last. The reason is, again, in the beginning of a relationship, both of you will stand up to your respective families because you are in love. However, as years go by, love will not be as strong as it once was, most of the time, and as a result, if there are enough incompatibilities between you and your in-laws, problems will arise. This does not mean that you have to agree with your potential in-laws about everything, but generally, you have to make sure that there are some common grounds in thinking.

These problems get multiplied over the years, and interestingly enough, yet sadly, each one of you will eventually agree more with his/her family than with his/her partner. So make sure, from the beginning that you see eye to eye with you future in-laws about important matters, especially raising children. Remember that the minute you have a child, your whole perspective about life changes, and your child will become the most important thing in your life!

Differences, as to how to raise the children, could cause enough dissension so as to bring about a divorce.

If you do not pay attention to these “red flags”, you will regret it, as these incompatibilities may very well ruin your marriage.

The author is currently the webmaster of Product Reviews , Job Source and Myjobwatch.net

We all know how often marriages end in divorce. It seems like every other day you find out another relative or friend is getting divorced. Many people don’t want to face the fact that their marriage has come to an end, but this can be an unhealthy angle.

If you are getting a divorce, what should you know? There are so many different facts on divorce it can often get confusing. This is why you must pick out all the important one’s that come your way.

The truth is that you must accept the divorce and not play the blame game. This fact of truth will help you prosper when it comes to living your life to the fullest. If you do end up playing the blame game, you may be in for many troubles ahead. Divorce is hard, you don’t have to make it harder by not accepting your own faults. On the other hand, don’t go too far with that either? Just because you, like everyone else, has some faults, does not mean that you were the cause of your divorce, and you should try to alleviate any feelings of guilt you may have. Sometimes a divorce takes place not because anyone is “at fault” but simply because it did not work.

Feeding a divorce lawyer spoonfuls of money may not be the answer. There are so many other options that you can take. These options include uncontested divorce and divorce kit. If you end up using either of these, at least you’ll leave the relationship with money in hand. Of course, you will have to have prepared yourself for everything you must take in your own hands. This includes documents, paperwork, and so much more. Being prepared is key when taking this route into and out of divorce.

Keep in mind, however, that the above may be entirely dependent on your spouse. You may be rationale and level-headed, but if your spouse is not, then you may have no choice but to hire your own divorce lawyer and follow through with a contested divorce. In many cases, one spouse is willing to settle, but the other is not. Unfortunately it takes both the husband and wife to agree to everything for a divorce to be uncontested.

Divorce only has to be as hard as you make it. Yes, it will take a huge toll on you mentally, physically, and emotionally but this you can over come. If you feel that divorce is to much a therapist or good friend may be your best option. The heartache and stress that divorce causes should always be out in the open with loved ones. The hard facts of divorce can come in handy, just don’t let it be overwhelming.

Lastly, always remember if children are involved to put your children first. If possible, make a commitment with your spouse from the very beginning for neither of you to use your children as pawns during the divorce process. It is easy for you and your former spouse to want to get your children “on your side”, but keep in mind that you could be doing serious damage to your children but forcing, or asking, them to take sides. Keep your child’s interest in mind above all else!

Gael is a noted author and lecturer on family issues, including family law issues, divorces, uncontested divorces, and everything in between. You can get more information at the website of these experienced Athens GA divorce lawyers on the subject of divorcing in Georgia.

Life after divorce can be totally different for you especially when you are already used to having your spouse and your kids around you. The holidays can be very different especially when you have to spend it without them. It brings you to a very hurtful and depressing feeling again like the stabbing pain felt after being hit with a c2 tazer. It reminds you that marriage is really over. You can get through this troubled times by planning some activities during the holidays that will make this celebrated events easier for you.

First of all, during the holidays, do not feel that you are all by yourself. You would feel more depressed if you isolate yourself from a lot of fun celebrations. Spend it with your loved ones like your family and friends. Be present in social gatherings and converse with other people. Through this you will somehow feel that you are not alone and you are surrounded with special people who still care for you.

The second thing that you need to do is to talk with your ex about your responsibilities as parents. Before the holidays start, you must already have a schedule as to where your children will stay for the holidays. At first, it may be very hard for your kids to accept this kind of setting but in time they will realize that even if things turned out differently for both you and your spouse, you are still there for them and they are still very important for you.

Moreover, you can go out and travel. Pamper yourself by going on a vacation and taking all the time that you need for yourself during the holidays. Sometimes, when you would just stay in your house alone, you would remember a lot of moments that you have spent with your spouse and your children and it really hurts so much which is more than that of being stunned with a cellphone stun gun. So go out and try things which you have not done before. Travel to a different country and give yourself a long break.

You must remember that it is not the end of your life after a divorce. Look at the brighter side and take responsibility of your decisions and actions especially that you still have your kids to look after. So when you celebrate the holidays, do not overindulge yourself with bad habits like drinking too much alcohol to forget your problems. Just drink moderately and bear in mind that drinking too much is not a solution to a problem but instead it will worsen it.

Lastly, if you do not want to be in a crowd, you can spend the holidays by yourself but you must have this time as your reflection moments. Think of what will be your plans next now that you are already divorced. Encourage and strengthen yourself to move on. Think of what you can do for your own good and for your children.

There are a lot of things that you can do during the holidays after the divorce. Things may be different without a spouse to spend it with but there are other people who are willing to celebrate it with you and you can avoid depression by venturing into other activities.

Joseph Pressley is a certified TASER instructor and a Tae Kwon Do black belt and a father of two. He is the co-founder of BestStunGun.com which provides a good variety of Stun Gun and TASER for personal protection. To learn more on how these products can save your life, please visit http://www.beststungun.com.

Fear is a great factor in relationships. It confuses our mind, undermines our confidence and prevents us from making choices that would be healthy for all concerned. A great source of fear is rejection by others. Not aware that we have rejected ourselves, we become overly hungry for the approval of others. In this state of mind we use our relationships as a way to gain the love and sense of self worth we may feel is lacking. What a danger, many then twist themselves in all kinds of ways to receive the acceptance and validation they so deeply desire.

Sooner or later, this backfires. It takes too much of a toll. To experience real love and connection, to become free of fear, you must be willing to first know and accept yourself just as you are. You must be willing to let go of demands that you please others and learn how to be happy with and please yourself, just as you are. Here is an exercise which will help in doing this. It will help you dip into your innate storehouse of courage and strength.

Notice how much time you spend each day escaping that which would truly make you happy? Take note of how much time you spend not considering what is important to you? Do you see how this drains the meaning from your life, the joy out of your day?

Wake Up. This is your life you are losing. You lose yourself daily in hundreds of tiny ways.

You make choices that harm you, decide to stay in deadening situations, don’t speak up about that which matters. You feel you have all the time in the world to wait for things to change. You don’t. Fear tells you it is dangerous to be truthful. The real danger, however, is believing this fear, not discovering and living from your truth.

How many of us even know what it is that our heart treasures? How many have numbed ourselves so much we’ve blocked it out? In order to become able to be really there for another, you must first learn how to be really there for yourself.

Self Recovery: Restoring the Self

There are many recovery groups these days; groups for alcohol, drug abuse, relationship abuse, sexual addiction, eating disorders, addictions of all kinds. How about recovery of the Self? Once the Self is recovered, equilibrium is established and everything else falls into place.

In order to know who you are, you must also know who you are not, what is false and unworkable in your life, where you are living someone else’s dream. It’s important to acknowledge that which you cannot do, that which is not for you. So many spend years conforming to others that they lose touch with what is real for them. Families are famous for projecting their demands on its members. People “in love” do the same. However, these images cause pain, distortion and lack of knowing who you truly are.

You Can’t Say Yes if You Can’t Say No

This is a statement of truth and a great medicine, which needs to be deeply absorbed. Much fear arises because you are unable to say No. I am not speaking of the impulsive, automatic no you offer out of resistance, anger or stubbornness. I’m speaking of a different kind of No. It comes from understanding and accepting who you are and who we are not. It comes from knowing what is true for you and what is false. This No is a sign of respect for yourself, recognition that it is perfectly fine to be who you are; you do not have to disguise, distort or reject your truth. You do not have to be all things to all people.

Many don’t know what they should say No to. They feel guilty and ashamed of not going along with everything. They feel that if they don’t meet everyone’s needs, they have failed or there is something wrong with them. Some imagine that they should be able to belong everywhere. This scatters your forces and confuses your mind.

If others reject you because you’ve said No, let them. Realize that you can’t say yes if you can’t say no. Your yes is then not a real yes. It is an automatic, knee jerk response. It arises out of obligation, and the wish to be accepted. This is not a true Yes, offered from the fullness of your being. When you can say Yes, or No in an unconditional, whole-hearted manner, your relationships become established on another basis and fear has nowhere to stick.

Find out how to release fear and build fearless relationships in Fearless: The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind. Psychologist, author, speaker presents life changing exercises and guidelines to help you become confident, clear and resilient. www.becomefearless.org, Contact her at topspeaker@ayhoo.com.

The laws and regulations that govern our life are staggeringly complex. No one, not even an attorney, can know them all. But, like it or not, your marriage is subject to a myriad of rules and restrictions imposed upon it by the jurisdiction(s) in which you live, beginning with whether you “qualify” to be legally married and culminating with what happens to your property when you die. That’s the bad news. The good news is that, for the most part, you’re able to write your own rules to fit your unique situation IF you do it right.

Every business partnership worth its salt has an operating agreement that dictates the partners’ rights and obligations and what happens if a partner leaves or the partnership is dissolved. It’s a good idea to plan for such contingencies when everyone is getting along. The same applies to your remarriage. The last thing you want is for you, your spouse, and/or your heirs to be stuck in a quagmire of legal wrangling where those who benefit most are the lawyers. The time to hammer out thorny legal, financial, and estate issues is when you’re clear-headed and can think both generously and realistically.

A marriage operating agreement is called a prenuptial agreement if you enter into it before you get married, a postnuptial agreement if you enter into it after you get married. I’ll use the term “prenup” to apply to both. To some, “prenup” is the equivalent of a four-letter word and to have one is the equivalent of admitting that the marriage won’t last. Well, guess what?

1. Your marriage won’t last. It will end, if not by divorce, then by death.

2. You already have a prenuptial agreement-the divorce laws provided to you courtesy of the state in which you live.

You can accept the default one-size-fits-all prenup the government provides, or you can craft one that is appropriate to your circumstances. If you accept that your marriage will one day end and that you already have a prenuptial agreement, then it’s a heckuva lot easier to roll up your sleeves, make decisions, and modify the state’s prenup to fit your circumstances.

Prenups accomplish more than defining what happens if you get a divorce. They are also super-duper handy when you want to:

o Define property rights for purposes of estate planning so you can protect your children’s inheritance.

o Protect your assets from your partner’s creditors.

o Protect business partners and ensure the continuity of your business.

o Clarify how you meet financial obligations from a previous marriage such as child support and alimony.

o Compensate a spouse who is giving up a career to stay at home.

o And more.

Grown-ups take responsibility for handling their financial and legal matters and don’t leave such important decisions up to the government. To make intelligent decisions you need to know and fully understand the impact of relevant laws on you, your finances, and your children (if any). Every state has different laws on marriage and inheritance. Investing in the help of a competent professional is worth every penny. Only a competent professional can give you that help. Having said that . . .

By all means, do your research on the internet (but don’t assume it’s 100% accurate) as a way of identifying those things you need to think about and discuss. BUT, don’t do your own legal work. A generic fill-in-the-blank one-size-fits-all prenup can’t possibly fit your situation and you end up doing more harm than good. You wouldn’t fill your own tooth or set your own broken arm. Don’t do your own legal work.

A marriage is a partnership and all partnerships run best when everyone agrees upon and knows the rules.

Shela Dean is a Relationship Happiness Coach, speaker, and Amazon bestselling author of Frequent Foreplay Miles – Your Ticket to Total Intimacy, available through Amazon.com and other booksellers. Shela’s common-sense approach to relationship advice has helped many couples improve emotional intimacy.

Today fear is rampant in all areas of our lives. There are many ways we seek safe harbor, a place to feel protected and cared for. Many turn to relationships for this comfort. Then, an odd thing happens, the relationship itself causes fear. What makes this happen? How do we build fearless relationships, based on courage and good will?

It has been said that there are only two emotions: love and fear. For some of us, oddly, love is frightening, while fear feels safe. We think fear will warn us of danger.. We are taught it can be dangerous to be trusting; love can make us weak. Then it’s a simple step to distrust our partners, our feelings and ourselves. But this is simply the work of fear, creating confusion and lies..

It is fear that cannot be trusted; fear is a liar that undermines our basic sense of confidence, clarity and good will. It makes us prey to those who wish to control or attack us in various ways. Self-hatred, one of the main afflictions this country, is fuelled by fear. The original love of life, curiosity, playfulness and joy that we are born with is wiped away.

There is no place where fear manifests more directly than in relationships, where we naturally become vulnerable and afraid of rejection or loss. It is, therefore, of the utmost importance to learn and practice the principles of fearless relationships, and learn how to dissolve fear on the spot. As we do so, we naturally discover where to put our trust, and become strong and safe. In this process, we are actually learning what it means to truly love.

One of the most common causes of fear in relationships is the fear of rejection, of not being good enough, or able to satisfy our partners or ourselves. We twist and turn ourselves into a pretzel, become someone we aren’t to get the love and acceptance we crave. However, this craving is a drug, the more we get, the more we want, and ultimately, the emptier we become. But it is only the false self that demands this, the self fuelled by fear. The truth is that you can never change enough or do enough to “make” someone love you. This is only the voice of fear turning the truth upside down.

No matter how much praise the false self receives, it never feels really approved of or loved. By its very nature, the false self is skiddish, fearful and ungrounded. It constantly craves more and feels threatened regularly. The false self eats too much, makes wrong choices and refuses to face reality. When two false selves join together for a love relationship, sooner or later, they begin to wonder what is going wrong.

Although we spend much of our energy building the false self, we do not realize that who we are is intrinsically perfect, lovable and complete. If we turn to a relationship to validate or complete ourselves, we are bound to suffer. No matter how many times Amy’s boyfriend told her he loved her, she didn’t believe it. She needed to hear it again and again. “Why do you love me?” she kept asking. Of course this became exhausting for her boyfriend, who, feeling drained, ultimately left. Why would we keep doing this? Because we have no idea how magnificent we truly are.

When learning how to build fearless relationship a first step is to use your relationship as a teacher to find out who you really are. Discover the difference between real and counterfeit love. Learn the basic principles of peace of mind, absorb these principles, and practice them day by day.

Learn to release fear and build fearless relationships in Fearless (The 7 Principles of Peace of Mind), Brenda Shoshanna, http://www.becomefearless.org Filled with information, stories and exercises, you will discover how to reclaim your original strength and wisdom and live life to the brim.

It’s almost guaranteed that you are on this page as you’re either in the regrettable position of dealing with a divorce or you are seriously thinking of divorcing your wife.

Divorce for men can look like a really simple process. But get it wrong and the blunders you make now may have repercussions for years to come.

If I’d had use of some simple but concise divorce advice for men throughout my own divorce, then the final outcome would definitely have been much – much improved! But I’ll let you know more about that in a moment.

Don’t forget…

Never take action without possessing all of the information you’ll need right there in front of you.

I’ll tell you about my divorce… It Sucked!

Prior to the divorce I owned a beautiful property in an exceedingly good area and two additional properties which earned a good rental income. I had created a good balance in my checking account, an executive vehicle and my pension pot was on target to let me retire at fifty.

Following the divorce, my home was gone, the rental properties were signed over to my ex-wife and later sold with the revenue deposited directly into her bank account. My aspiration of retiring at 50 was shattered and my savings account was cleaned out.

However even worse than any of this – and this is the thing that Genuinely hurts – access to my young children was restricted to merely two weekends monthly.

My initial reaction to all this was to blame my legal representatives… Just how could they have permitted this to happen to me? They charged me over $10,000 for council and I still had almost everything I cared for taken away from me.

However… It wasn’t my lawyers failing. It was MINE!

I had been idle and just trusted what my buddies were telling me. I launched into the divorce whilst not performing any of my own groundwork. I did not arm myself with the truths and so left myself wide open to my ex-wife’s silly demands and greed.

Now, I’m a realistic chap and I’d been more than happy to give my wife half of the household assets, even though she hadn’t contributed to the family finances – I planned to be fair.

Regrettably, I did not realize that ‘fairness’ represents no part within the legal systems view of divorce.

Every one of the systems, rules and guidelines are stacked massively against men. You are NOT automatically permitted 50% of all possessions even though it was you that worked hard and got every one of those assets yourself.

If I was to give divorce guidance for men it would simply be to wise up and have ALL the information you’ll need BEFORE you are at the mercy of your wife along with her rabid lawyers.

I really hope that you found this info useful, you can come out of your divorce a success – but only if you have a winners attitude and take action today.

And remember, Don’t take action without having all of the information right there facing you.

Here’s some divorce advice for men – wise up now and save your house, car, savings and children from your greedy ex-wife and her lawyers. I wish I had, I ended up going through the divorce from Hell and losing everything I cared for. Don’t let it happen to you.

Hiring a divorce lawyer is never an easy task. In most instances, divorce is a highly-charged emotional event that creates substantial stress. Taking time to hire the appropriate divorce attorney can save you additional grief and heartache.

Chances are you will spend a considerable amount of time with your divorce lawyer and his staff. Therefore, it is imperative to locate an attorney who you connect with and who offers services best suited for your personal situation.

Family law experts suggest interviewing several divorce lawyers before making a final decision. Start by making a list of potential candidates. Obtain referrals from friends, family, co-workers or neighbors. Considering one of every two marriages ends up in divorce, chances are good you know someone who can recommend a good lawyer.

Attorneys who specialize in family law and divorce can be located in local telephone directories, or through online phone directories. One good resource is YellowPages.com. The American Bar Association provides a nationwide list of lawyers on their website at ABAnet.org.

It’s important to know which direction your divorce is headed prior to consulting with divorce lawyers. There are two types of divorce – uncontested and contested. Most people prefer uncontested divorces. If you and your spouse can reach an amicable agreement on how to divide assets you are probably a good candidate for an uncontested divorce.

If, on the other hand, you or your spouse do not want a divorce or fight over who will take ownership of possessions your divorce will be considered contested.

Unfortunately, divorce tends to bring out the worst in people. Oftentimes, uncontested divorces quickly become contested. Couples begin to fight over personal belongings, financial assets and real estate holdings, spousal or child support, and who will gain custody of pets. Knowing if your divorce will be contested or uncontested can help you locate a lawyer who possesses necessary skills to maximize your options.

When minor children are involved, divorcing couples should consider working with law firms who specialize in family law. Couples who hold real estate and financial portfolios will want to work with divorce lawyers experienced in tax and financial matters.

Once you’ve developed a list, contact a minimum of four divorce lawyers to arrange a consultation. Prior to your meeting, prepare a list of income, expenses, financial assets and real estate holdings.

Next, determine the outcome you wish you achieve. Do you want to continue residing in the house you purchased with your spouse? Who will be responsible for accrued debts secured by personal loans or credit cards? Do you want full or joint custody of your children? Prepare a list of questions and concerns prior to your meeting.

After meeting with each divorce lawyer, take time to conduct research to ensure they are in good standing with the American Bar Association and possess strong ethics. If the law firm has a website, take time to review company information and attorney biographies.

Divorce lawyers are not cheap. Hourly rates can range from $150 to $500, or more. Therefore, it is crucial to hire an attorney who is proficient with time and possesses experience with your type of divorce.

The fact of the matter is there is no such thing as an easy divorce. Even if both parties completely agree, divorce is a painful and emotionally-draining experience. The sting of divorce can be reduced by choosing a lawyer who is experienced, proficient, and compatible with your personality.

Investor and entrepreneur, Simon Volkov, offers a comprehensive personal finance library to help individuals make informed decisions about important life matters. Topics range from how to hire a divorce lawyer to real estate investing. Learn how to overcome financial difficulties caused by divorce by visiting www.SimonVolkov.com.