About Relationships

So you are a single man by choice. It is not because you do not want a girlfriend but you want one who is suitable to you. The thing is that although it is good to take your time to choose the right one, more and more girls will get hooked up leaving you without a choice if you waited too long.

With our hurried and busy modern world, dating is not as easy as it was before. Most of us have such busy lives that we have very little time left to go out and meet interesting girls, not to say finding the right or perfect girlfriend. Anyway, is there anybody who is perfect?

If you want to be certain in attracting the right kind of girl then you will need to understand exactly what can make you attractive to her or to women in general. At least at the beginning, you must understand the type of girl who would be right for you.

Do you know what kind of girlfriend you want? You must have a very clear picture of whom and what type of woman you want. If you don’t have a clear idea, you may spend most your energy snaring a girl and to find out later that she is not your type.

If till now you have not found anyone, why not let your yardstick drop a little. Instead of looking for girls who have the same interests and outlook as you, why not consider dating someone who differs, someone who has different outlooks and interests? The saying that opposites attract can be true.

Just take a look at some of your attached or married friends and colleagues who are in long term happy relationships, you can very clearly see that many of these couples have varied interests and outlooks and yet, they are successful couples.

Next, it is important to know where to look for girls who may become your girlfriend. If you are the type who stays at home and spend hours watching TV or playing computer games, how on earth are you going to meet women who can be your potential girlfriend?

Contrary to popular beliefs, pubs and clubs are not the best places to look for girlfriends although it is much easier to befriend girls in those places. There are alternatives like joining cooking classes, yoga classes or even dancing classes where single girls are aplenty.

You can also join dating websites and chat with the female members to get to know them better and then to date them if you think you have found suitable ones. Thousands of couples are being paired up happily everyday through these dating websites, so why not you?

Once you know and understand the type of girls who may be right for you, you will naturally know where to find and meet them. So in the meantime, polish up your skills in attracting girls, and then take action to meet and befriend them and soon, one of them will turn out to be the girlfriend that you have been looking for so long.

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It’s a mixture of feelings and emotions as they go through a whirlwind of ups and downs swapping from excitement to fear, doubts and confidence and so on.

No matter who its with, you are always going to feel a tad awkward on the first date in a relationship, the following date is when you start digging up the dirt on each other so to speak and taking the step of getting to know everything about each other a step further.

However are there rules to how you should act and how you shouldn’t act when on a date?

Well I’m not sure over-calling, under-calling, laughing non-stop at terrible jokes, and under-dressing to posh restaurants are definitely things that would fail to impress when on the first couple of dates with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

Say that dating is a game for example. A game can’t be a game without rules can it? The rules need to be learned and put into practice in order for you to be in for a chance for winning. Do you want to win the dream girl on man? Well here are some definite do’s and drastic don’ts if you want to succeed in the world of dating.

- Always be very well groomed, looking your best. Being on time is crucial as I am afraid turning up fashionably late on a date simply looks unfashionably messy and not give the other person the best first impression in the world!

- Set out to have fun! If you come across as relaxed and like you are enjoying yourself this mood is contagious and the date will come alive as you continue to open up to each other, telling in-depth life stories and untold secrets.

- Remember to always tell your date how nice they look. This makes them feel good and flattering always pays off, especially towards the women as they spend so much time and effort on how they look so love tot be noticed

- Being both interesting and interested in your date is a fine balance to have. Be attentive, show that you are listening to what they are saying by asking follow up questions or when they are telling you about their hobbies but don’t be afraid to express personal views as this could be what makes you interesting and stand out to her or him.

- Don’t however call your date constantly when you have only just begun seeing them as this seems quite ‘stalkerish’ and can be quite daunting to the other person, turning them off instead on to your personality.

- Don’t lie but tell the truth when you are on a date. If you try to impress your date with a whole bunch of lies this is silly as it will not contribute to the relationship you are trying to build but hinder it. You can’t build a meaningful relationship on lies right? Plus the truth always comes out in the end. So avoid lying to impress and be yourself!

I hope this article has been helpful!

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Honesty is the best policy. That is a mantra that many live by and almost all of us have heard it at some point in our lives. But do we really believe in it or is it just something we say? Is being honesty a thing of the past? Do we live in an era where cutting corners and not being honest rule our lives?

I have lived the last year of my life being honest. Sometimes it has worked for me and sometimes it has not but I’ve done it just the same. I was forthright with a woman sometime ago and she told me that I should probably not tell as much. I was like really? “Thought y’all women wanted an honest man?” Well I took mental note of her advice…didn’t use it but I listened. LOL. Some will say they want a man who is honest and forthright yet when confronted with such a man…they may question things said or it becomes too much and they move on. One of my partners feels that you don’t need to tell a woman everything, not be dishonest, just don’t tell her everything. Guess you can say the situation dictates.

I do believe there must be honesty. When a person is honest, it creates a level of comfort for them and their partner. It creates intimacy and true intimacy is in the moment honesty, being comfortable enough that you can be open and honest with your partner; knowing fully well they will accept you…no matter what.

I went out with a lot of women in the last year and have been honest with them all; though some may not agree. I had met a female on match and grew quite fond of her. But we did have one fundamental difference in opinion in one particular area. I don’t believe in placing all of my eggs in one basket, in short I choose to date until I’m sure that the individual is the one or until we have “the talk.” She on the other hand, did not. So after making my view clear, I simply chose to leave it at that. I figured I had made it clear how I felt and that I was not going to change my stance. Shawty, a good friend of mine made a very good point the other morning when we talked. She said I have the ability to think about things without my emotions. She is very correct and I have used that in my dating. I even had another friend question my “selection” process because it sounded cold or emotionless. She said I sounded like I was willing to settle.

Well my lady friend and I talked a lot and she came out to meet and see if there was any chemistry. There was, so much that I went out to spend x-mas with her since my ex had our kids. Well long distance relationships are tough to maintain especially when you have nothing but phone contact. Well linking up became difficult and around the beginning of the New Year we had an argument and for me…it was a flag. We just seemed to argue more and didn’t connect as we did prior to x-mas. In the end we never recovered. I was honest about what I wanted from a relationship and so was she, but after two failed marriages, I simply choose not to compromise on what I want; that included being honest. So we went back to that fundamental difference and she wanted to change I however felt that it was a difference that you can’t change. What you believe is what you believe and is a core value. Core values do not change.

Now there is one thing I don’t think you should ever be honest about…and that’s cheating. Now, this is requires emotionless conceptual thinking from this point forward. So think about what I’m about to say and try and do so without emotions. Cheating and then coming clean doesn’t do anything for anyone except the cheater. It gives them some relief and it allows them to clear their conscience while the party that was cheated on is typically devastated. Why do they get to use the “honesty play” to get the weight off their back? I think this is one case where lying is a must and should be implemented at all cost. I mean you did the dirt…you should have to live with the consequences of your actions. If it haunts you…then good, it should do just that. So is honesty the best policy? How much honesty do you give and when is it ok to be dishonest? Those are questions that only you can answer.

Life long interracial dater and father of two.

Posted: December 24th, 2011
Categories: Dating
Tags: advice, Dating, honesty, interracial, lie, Love, relationship, truth
Comments: No Comments.

If you are dating someone new around Christmas time, there are plenty of opportunities to make getting to know each other that little bit more special. You might want to brave the cold and venture out to join the thronging masses in a spot of Christmas shopping or some other winter activity, but here are a few ideas if you would rather cosy up and stay a bit closer to home.

1. Watch a romantic Christmas movie

One of the most fun things to do when it’s cold and miserable outside it to cuddle up with the person you are dating, a bowl of popcorn or perhaps a bottle of wine and settle down to watch a classic Christmas movie together. You can either go traditional with something like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’, ‘A Christmas Carol’ or ‘Miracle on 34th Street’, or perhaps opt for something modern but with just as much of a Christmassy feel, say, ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’, ‘Love Actually’ or the very funny ‘Elf’. But choose carefully – if things go well it could end up being ‘our movie’.

2. Bake Christmas cookies

Cooking might not immediately strike you as the most romantic activity in the world, but just picture the scene – the warmth of the stove, the sweet aromas of cinnamon and ginger, it all gets a little bit messy, your dating partner leans over attentively to wipe a little icing off your cheek – the possibilities from here are endless. And, if nothing happens between the two of you, at least you end up with something to show for it – a delicious plate of Christmas cookies! Or, if it goes the other way, just don’t get too carried away and forget those cookies are still in the oven…

3. Wrap gifts together

Wrapping gifts is a fun way to get to know a little bit more about your dating partner and the practical activity takes away some of the pressure of a regular question/answer discussion, which can seem more like an interview. You’ll find out loads of fascinating things about your date’s nearest and dearest – what people buy others as gifts can be very revealing – and you will find each gift can be a real conversation starter. For example: ‘I got this old map for my sister, because she loves travelling’, etc etc. And, once again, if the date doesn’t go to plan, at least you’ll end up with the job of wrapping all your Christmas presents done and dusted.

4. Decorate the tree together

Decorating the tree is another fun way to prepare for Christmas together, and a natural conversation starter where you are likely find out a lot about your dating partner’s past Christmases as the memories come flooding back with all the old baubles and tinsel. Of course, for a job such as this, classic Christmas tunes tinkling in the background are called for, along with a delicious Christmassy drink like port or sherry and some yummy Christmas nibbles to keep you going. Then just sit back with your drinks and enjoy the beautiful thing you’ve created as a couple.

match.com is the UK’s best known dating site. At match we’re proud that every day 160 members leave us… as couples.

Christmas can be a magical time to start dating someone new. While it may seem a little bleak to be trudging out in the cold weather to find something to do, the month of December can provide a lot of fun and romantic activities for you and your dating partner to enjoy together while out and about.

From building a snowman to riding in a horse drawn carriage, here are the top five Christmas dating ideas for those of you adventurous enough to step outside into the bleak mid-winter!

Ice skating

While you can go ice skating any time of the year, during the Christmas period there are a range of outdoor ice skating rinks all around the country. From Kew Gardens and Hyde Park in London to Winchester Cathedral in Hampshire and The Ice Factor in York, these venues provide one of the most romantic dating activities on the planet.

Christmas shopping

Christmas shopping can be a little stressful but visit some of the loveliest shops in the evening or at a less busy time of day and enjoying the Christmas lights while browsing through the winter wonders on display can be very romantic.

Christmas markets are an excellent place to start – Birmingham has a traditional German one right in the centre of town where you can pick up a delicious glass of mulled wine to warm you up while you walk, Durham’s boasts a family friendly atmosphere and in Covent Garden you can get hold of some delicious seasonal delicacies. Wherever you are in the country, if there are enough people then a Christmas market or two are likely to have sprung up nearby in December.

Fun in the snow

If you’re dreaming of a white Christmas with your dating partner, why not try tobogganing or building a snowman together. Snow adds an air of excitement and exhilaration to any date, and is something you’ll both remember if the two of you hit it off. And, while getting cold and wet might not be that appealing in itself, just think of the fun you can have snuggling up by the fire together to warm up afterwards.

Carol singing

Classic Christmas songs like Silent Night and Away in a Manger will bring the Christmas memories flooding back for both you and the person you are dating, so you’ll have lots to talk about if you decide to have a go at this. Maybe your local town or village has regular carol singing events that you can join in with – often these will involve some tasty treats and a nice drink afterwards. But if you or your dating partner are vocally challenged, listening to carol singers can be just as romantic.

Ride in a horse drawn carriage

Carrie and Big did it in Central Park and it was very romantic. Kramer takes over his friend’s horse-drawn carriage in Seinfeld and it doesn’t go quite so well. But there are many places in the UK where you can hire a horse-drawn carriage for you and your dating partner to enjoy to kick off a really special evening together.

match.com is the UK’s best known dating site. At match we’re proud that every day 160 members leave us… as couples.

It’s been a while since I’ve talked about topics that are very sensitive. The next few posts that I write will be up close and personal. I plan to get very specific on some things that might make you cringe. And I encourage everyone to leave comments and/or share the content with your friends. With that being said, I am a very honest person. I’m very upfront and I have nothing to hide. My life is a open book. Or at least an open blog site.

The last few weeks I have spent a lot of time with SR39. It started with a fun date that resulted in me running out of gas on the way home. A few days later SR39 and I went out for a second date. We went to one of my favorite local bars, Two Brothers. Since it was trivia night, a few of my friends met us there. The night started out fun and ended up with SR39 having a drunk confession. The confession didn’t bother me, because people say all kinds of things when they are drunk. But the serious part comes later.

SR39 and I went back to her apartment in Mckinney. We talked for a few minutes, we kissed, and ended up getting nakkid. And I have to admit, for a 39yr old woman, she has a great body. We had great sex. It was raw, energetic and exhausting. And she called me “Daddy” during sex. The one thing that was out of character for me was…. I didn’t use a condom. I’ll repeat that.. No condom was used.

I’m not concerned with an unwanted pregnancy, because I have a vasectomy. But I am concerned with STD’s, as I mentioned in a previous post. I’ve spent my whole life healthy & disease free. And I want to keep it that way. But the next morning my nightmare became reality. SR39 lifts her head from the pillow and said, “Oh my god! We shouldn’t have done that.” And immediately I wondered what she was talking about.

I have to tell you something. This isn’t the best time to tell you, but I have to tell you this. (pause & deep breath) And she begins to cry.

“I was 24 and I broke up with my asshole boyfriend. I went out with friends and got drunk. At the end of the night I called him for sex and he said come over. A couple days later, I began having female issues and didn’t know what was wrong. So I went to the doctor and I found out I have a STD, genital Herpes. When I confronted him, he just laughed. Since then I’ve been taking Valtrex and I haven’t had a outbreak in years. My ex husband and my last boyfriend don’t have it. I’m so sorry and I feel so bad that I didn’t tell you this upfront.”

So now I’m in a state of shock. I can’t believe that the one (1) time that i didn’t use condoms with a new date, there’s a serious health issue. At least she didn’t say it was HIV or AIDS. And my initial response towards her is compassion, if her story is true. I know it had to be very difficult to tell me under these circumstances, but DAMN! Am I now tainted? Have I contracted genital Herpes? Will I spend the rest of my life taking Valtrex to deal with this? Or is this just a close call and lesson learned?

There are so many questions and emotions going through my head. But now I have to get up and get to the doctor to get tested. I will update you on my test results tomorrow.

Leave your honest thoughts, reactions and comments. I want to hear from you.

Life long interracial dater and father of two.

Posted: December 18th, 2011
Categories: Dating
Tags: Dating, herpes, hiv, interracial love, interracial relationships, Relationships, sex, SR39, std
Comments: No Comments.

Having mentioned in the first Real World New Orleans episode that my on and off college boyfriend of four years was black, didn’t really please every single viewer. Interestingly, I have received some lovely hate mail commenting on my dating preference. Some of the comments have included, “You are way to pretty to be dating black men.” Even better than that one, “You should have sex with only white men from now on to get all that black out of you.” As these comments are obviously amongst some of the most profound and well thought out I have learned to easily laugh them off and ignore, ignore, ignore. However, it does make me wonder…did a man just really go out of his way to write these things to me? The answer sadly enough is yes he did and of course these messages don’t warrant a response.

Living in Boston has allowed me to be very fortunate when it comes to liberal ways of thinking. Boston is very open to diversity and interracial dating is really a minor issue to this city. I have never had a bad experience here and I do really believe that most people here could truly care less who Ashlee is dating. As it should be! However, things seem to appear not so lax in the deep, deep south.

Having exposed my life on television, I understand I have to have thick skin and I realize that not everywhere in the world has accepted interracial dating. There are still plenty of places that look down upon a black man dating a white women or visa versa. Even on the show I experienced racism when I went with Jemmeye to meet Kodi’s (her ex-boyfriend) family. Jemmeye warned me in the south I would see more racism against swirl dating then I ever had. Chick was not lying! I was blown to see that the south is deep in its roots and is still waving that confederate flag! In all honesty, I could really care less what anyone has to say about who I date however, it is so sad to see that people I don’t even know are so concerned with the fact that I’d be more attracted to a Jamal than a John.

I can’t honestly speak to exactly how everyone in the south views swirl dating but I will say if I am judging off of just my own experience its not a friendly issue. Being able to stand back and watch how Kodi’s family received Jemmeye was quite a show in itself. I watched as his family stared down her back with disgust and the mere fact that this girl could be dating their baby, visually displeased them. I am big on reading body language and Kodi’s family was like a wide-open book. Whether to say this is the view of most in the south is something I definitely can’t say with a hundred percent certainty. However, from what I hear and from what I’ve seen interracial dating in the south is as acceptable as gay marriage is in the good ole state of Pennsylvania.

Where do you get the most resistance from your interracial relationship? How often do you get strange looks or comments regarding your relationship?

You can watch Ashlee and Jemmeye on MTV’s Real World New Orleans. Real World airs on Wednesday at 10/9c.

Ashlee is a current cast member on MTV’s Real World New Orleans-2010. Originally from New Jersey, Ashlee played basketball at Northeastern University. She’s definitely sendin love to all the haters..x and o http://www.iswirl.info

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that the white women are “taking the only good black men we have.” It was like it was my fault that a black man with an education or an ambition was interested in me. And trust me not every black guy that was interested in me was an upstanding citizen. Just like not every white guy that has been interested in me has been either. Black women blame white women for a lot of the interracial dating. I don’t like how there is an assumption that white women are stealing their black men.

Men are men. They are entitled to their preferences just like women are and when two people click they click. I feel like people always assume there is an ulterior motive when there is an interracial relationship between a white girl and a black guy. And I’m sure sometimes there is, just like with any group of people. You have gold diggers and manipulators and girls that are just trying to get pregnant but I don’t think it’s fair to assume that for all white women dating black men.

I am a very friendly person but black women never really seemed to be interested in having a friendship with me. You know that saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I always felt like they knew of me and who I was and would sometimes even pretend to be friendly, but when it came down to it I was always an arm’s length away. There was always a wall between us.

I remember being in college and going out to a club. I loved to dance and have a good time. Because I was an athlete, I knew a lot of other athletes because we were in the same living quarters and in a lot of the same classes due to our practice schedules. If you looked at our football team 95% of the team was black, that’s not a generalization that was just the reality of it. Well it just so happened those same guys happened to like to dance and liked to go all out and party hard. When we would go out and we would see other athletes it was like seeing neighbors so of course you say hi and there was always small talk. As the years went on you grew closer and we became friends.

One night we were all out having a great time in the club. One of my favorite songs came on and we were jumping around being all silly. One of my friends who happened to be black came up and grabbed me to dance. I looked back and smiled and we laughed while we danced. While we were dancing another girl came up to me while we were dancing and pushed me away from him. Both me and this guy were single. There were no complications due to relationships or anything like that. Everyone knew we were friends and everyone else was dancing right along with us, but for some reason I seemed to stick out again. When this happened of course my friend stuck up for me and called her out and all his friends came in to defend me as well. Come to find out, this girl didn’t like me because I was friends with a lot of the football guys. She thought they should have been spending more time with black girls and I was being a distraction. But what she didn’t realize was by making a scene like that in the club she wasn’t helping her cause. They didn’t want the drama, they just wanted to be able to have a good time. So if she really wanted to be friends with these guys she should have tried other means to get their attention and keep it.

I found that some black women were the ones with the biggest problem with me dating interracially and made me the most uncomfortable. The attitude towards me being uncomfortable was “well you did it to yourself.” The worst part is, is that black women are “allowed” to be upset with white women but if a white woman gets upset with a black women over this topic, we are racist. And I’m sure they get frustrated but they don’t own these men. Black men are free to choose their mates like everyone else.

I am a 26 year old half Italian, half Portuguese girl from the South Shore of Boston, MA. I have dated both white and black men and do not have preference. I’m a contributor on http://www.iswirl.info

Guys, so you’re looking for hot online dating? Where do you go? Where do you start? What do you do to guarantee success in meeting women online? There are some steps that you can take that will make your chances of success much higher.

Step Number 1

Join as many hot online dating sites as you possibly can! You’re looking at potentially a lot of work here but if you want to skyrocket your chances then this is the best way to go about it.

Start with free sites and social sites. There are TONS of free dating sites that you can join that have thousands (and sometimes even millions) of female members. Sites like Plenty Of Fish have tons of women that are looking to meet men in your area. Check it out and see for yourself. If you’ve never been on this site then go and have a look at it. You’ll be surprised by what you find. You can find other free dating sites by going to Google or Yahoo and typing in “free dating sites.” You’ll get a good list that you can start with.

Then you can look at the social sites like Myspace and Facebook. You may want to do these sites last because women here are not actively seeking men out. It’s more of like a social club. So to make these sites work you need to network yourself. Join groups and make as many friends as you can. This way you’ll spread yourself out more and have more access to single women.

You can choose pay sites also. Sites like Eharmony are good if you want to spend the money. If you don’t have the money then you can stick with free sites as they will work just fine.

Step Number 2

After you find as many hot online dating sites as you can then it’s time to pick 3 – 5 of them and join. Once you join you need to set up a profile. Now don’t get lazy here. You need to set up a good profile. You want an impressive profile that’s going to give you the best results. Make sure you use a good picture of yourself (smiling) and have the overall tone of your profile to feel positive and happy. You don’t want to turn any women off by having weird, angry, or mean stuff on your profile.

Fill out the profile as complete as you possibly can. Talk yourself up (but try not to sound like an ego maniac). Put things that you really like to do and why you like to do them. Make yourself as individual as you can so that you seem like a real person with real interests. If you can do this successfully then you will greatly increase your chances of success.

Step Number 3

It’s time to get to work! Here’s where the brunt of your labor is going to come in. What you need to do is get on these hot online dating sites and send out as many messages to as many women as you possibly can. Spend a full week doing this if you have to. The more messages you send out the greater chance you’re going to have of getting a response.

What you don’t want to do is send out a generic message that just says, “hello, how are you?” Women can see right through this and they’ll know that you didn’t take any time to send it. When you meet women in the real world you need to have a unique approach to really see results and it’s no different online.

So read their profile and include something about it in your message. Talk about a movie or book that they mention in their profile and how you like it also. This will allow you to show her that you have something in common and something that you can work with if she decides to take it any further.

So when you want to really excel at hot online dating then you have to know how to do it. Follow these three steps and you’re almost guaranteed success.

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Where are the best places to meet single women? Well, first and foremost, it’s not a bar. And it’s certainly not at a club. These are places where women go to have fun with their friends. Very few of them are actually out to meet men. Plus they see most men at clubs and bars as generic partiers that are only out for one thing.

So where do you go to meet women who are open to meeting you? There are many places you can go where the atmosphere is open, fun, and exciting that you might not have thought of before.

Before we get into the actual places you can go you need to do a little bit of self-evaluation. And nothing negative mind you, just take a look at what you do on a daily basis. You probably go to the same place for your job, the same coffee shop before work, the same gym after work, the same bar on Friday night, etc. This is okay but it results in you seeing pretty much the same people who are on the same scheduled routine as you are. So in order to meet new people you need to branch out and change your routine every once in a while. When you do it will allow you to meet a lot of women that you wouldn’t normally have had the ability to do before.

So where do you go to change your routine?

Here are some of the best places to meet single women:

A Cooking Class

This is an excellent place to meet women. Plus it provides you with a skill you can use to really impress women you meet later on. If you can create a delicious meal from scratch for a girl on a date you’re going to really knock her socks off!

A Bookstore

A bookstore is a good place to meet women because it gives you the chance of meeting someone who has similar interests plus it allows for easy ice-breakers. You can start any conversation with a woman you meet at a bookstore by making a comment or asking a question about a book she’s reading. You can ask her for a recommendation also. And if you hit it off you can take her to the bookstore’s coffee shop and buy her a latte!

Festivals, Concerts, And Fairs

If you’re city is having an art fair, music festival, or some kind of outdoor concert then you should definitely go! This are excellent places to meet single women. Plus there’s a lot to talk about as there is a lot going on around you.

These are just a few of the places to meet single women that you can go where women are actually open to meeting new people. Don’t try bars and don’t go to clubs expecting to pick women up. They will see right through you and usually they aren’t there to meet men. So try the 3 places mentioned above along with music stores, grocery stores, museums, rallies, and pet stores. If you keep your schedule shifting so that you’re in new places at different times then you’ll find scores of new women that you can meet.

Click Here to discover the absolute BEST Places To Meet Single Women that you probably didn’t think of!